“My conversion to Islam.”
You want to check out some case studies? The bescarved Gallic nutbar above is very careful to let you know that despite her prayer rug she isn’t of Maghrebine extraction: she’s of French nationality, birth, background, parentage, etc.
Oddly, like Joris-Karl Huysmans, a youthful fascination with the occult and a feeling of emptiness finally led her to organized religion; how far we haven’t come since the 19th century in our emotional development, eh?
But at least old J-K didn’t come to the conclusion that the one true God wanted his own continent to burn to the ground.
Notably, though her grandmother is tres tres Chretienne—I’m guessing Catholic, but who knows, she could be a latter-day Huguenot—this young lady’s parents were atheists. After dabbling with spells and white magic, she noticed that the Muslim kids she went to school with seemed to feel far perkier than she did.
More than anyone else, atheists shouldn’t breed; it’s simply too depressing. And I’m starting to feel like Cicero again: I don’t believe in Gods, but more and more I suspect that people who aren’t too bright or stable need to be spoon-fed a certain amount of moderate religion to keep them from latching on to crazy shit like Islam and scientology. The struggle with existential horror is too much for some people—so if older, more sedate spiritual traditions like Catholicism and Judaism are dropped entirely, we leave far too much space for fresh, violent blood (if you’ll pardon the grim pun).
On the other side of the pond, there is actually a thing called the USA JESUS MOHAMAD CHANNEL:
Her gateway drug to Islam was… witchcraft?! Well, she is from Indiana. On her family: “They think I’ve been brainwashed.” The imbeciles!
Here’s another charming young American. OK, “Rasheed from Florida”: I love the God hat with the schlubby hoodie. Christianity wasn’t hard-core self-righteous enough for you? He actually tried studying Buddhism before he went for Islam, so he has no excuse.
And what the fuck, Gerard Depardieu? What. The. Fuck? This is a couple of levels crazier than Madonna taking up Kabbalah:
But the star of every bad French film ever made isn’t the only member of the celebrity community who’s decided to add to his snowflake status through Allah; apparently it’s becoming a fad. This chick used to party in the Hamptons with rappers, but despite being “born and raised Catholic” her dad somehow wound up as a born-again Christian pastor in Florida (are you noticing a pattern?), so the crazy is congenital. Best of all, her conversion mentor was a professional gym rat. Because you should always listen to the dudes with double standards and biceps for brains.
This genius Stateside theologian appears to have given up normal human blinking patterns since her conversion (which notably occurred during a very stressful time in her life; has anyone told her that AA is basically free?), but she is pro-crying:
Speaking of AA, if you can understand a word she says, the Glaswegian below appears to have found a cure for alcoholism: Muslim cock. Well, whatever works.
This video introduced me to a new misuse of language: calling “conversion” to Islam a “reversion”—because it was the original religion, I guess, just like some believers will insist till they’re blue in the face and against all evidence that Arabic was the world’s first language. Her proof of success: She’s read a bunch of books now! “Back to front,” she brags. What an intellectual. You know, I’ll bet she was more fun as a shit-faced drunk.
Finally, if you’re curious about what the young lady in the first video has to look forward to down the line: check out this French guy, who’s at the bottom of the downward spiral. He converted to Islam when he was 18 years old. Eighteen years on, he’s become aware that he has a problem, but he can’t just snap back to reality like that—so he’s asking commenters to argue him off the ledge by proving that Islam is false. In other words, he’s panhandling the Internet for free psychiatric triage. (My first bit of advice would be to shave off that ratty beard; theistically deranged hipster isn’t a good look for anyone, but he says he’s not going to shave it off till someone disproves the unprovable.)
His nervous laughter is truly disturbing. Before we worry too much about the Vicodin epidemic, maybe we should think about making religion a controlled substance, eh? I don’t want to be one of those smug, snot-nosed atheist fanatics, but sometimes you folks jump up and down on my buttons till I’m fit to buy a Dawkins T-shirt.
Postscript: I missed one. Uh… so this lady isn’t sure whether her Muslim husband knows she used to be a man. I hope she isn’t too sentimental about that head on her shoulders…