Me for Dictator: An Interactive Survey

We would all like to think we would personally make great benevolent (or otherwise) dictators. But deep down inside, which human right would you be most tempted to strip away once you went mad with the sweet, sweet drug of power?
I realize that everyone who knows anything about me has already guessed that my top mad-dictator human rights violation would be to take away your reproductive rights, which, as Alain Finkielkraut can tell you, are freakin’ stupid. But that’s where you’re wrong: I wouldn’t have to go mad to do that, silly. The minute I took power I would forcibly sterilize at least half of the population with a sound mind and a clear conscience, because look at you goddamn halfwits. 
But if I went mad? Well, although I bill myself as a free speech extremist in theory, I can’t help thinking that once sanity and social sanction were slowly eroded by the bubble of yes-men and cupidity in which your average dictator dwells, I would order anyone caught lying to be beheaded.
Because I HATE LIARS. I think it’s one of the worst burdens of being human: life is short enough to begin with, and then you end up wasting your time parsing people’s manipulations and lies. I would put an end to it through sheer terror and bloodshed. As dictator, I would allow an unusual amount of free speech—almost as much as a democracy. But the minute somebody proved you were lying, well… (draws finger across throat)…
How about you? Which stupid human right does your shadow personality insist needs to be rescinded? Comment ‘n’ share! 🙂
And here’s some food for thought: if enough people post their own dictatorial fantasies in the comment section, I will compile them into a polldaddy poll and invite the readers to elect a dictator of the comments section. Your mad fantasy will serve as your campaign platform. Good luck, comrades!


  1. Raymond Tuesday

    My first move as Most Benevolent Dictator will be to ban streetlights, rendering night time once again black as pitch (as is right and proper). Tallow candles will be permissable, as will be larger flaming sticks, but only when utilised by the local populace in driving unwelcome interlopers from the town (an event to occur fortnightly, be there interlopers or no).

    Additional to the above will be an outright prohibition on all saxophone and guitar solos (including all retrospective offences in this regard). Those guilty of these most heinous and unspeakable crimes will be immediately sentenced to execution. More flagrant breaches of this law will find retribution in a fate worse than death, namely that of public mulleting. These punishments will be duly broadcast on the People’s National Televisual Station Channel (which will air only static and white noise between intermittent hangings and haircuts). Oh, and usury won’t be allowed.

  2. Anton Chigurh✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

    1st, 2nd and 3rd generation Muslims and Africans (I realize one is a culture and one is a race) would be deported from North America and Europe so fast we’d have to rent UPS’s massive fleet of Boeings to carry it out- (those guys own hundreds of cargo planes). These people would all be saying, “but we’ve done nothing wrong! Many of us are good, tax-paying citizens!” and I’d be saying, “I know, it’s just turble” as I sent them off. We’d keep something like 1% of the population for them, for the sake of having some good ethnic food and a choice of going to see a Malian guitar group if that’s your bag.

    (4th generation US Citizens of those backgrounds would be allowed to stay as long as they were tax-payers with clean records. If they are 4th Gen they are probably good folks who got here legally a long long time before the mid-60s when Western leaders started flooding our homelands with aliens)

    The US-Mexico border, the Mediterranean and the coastal waters of A-NZ would be immediately taken over by a heavily-armed all-volunteer (the line to volunteer for this would be so long we’d have the luxury of taking only highly-qualified guys) Western Borders protection agency who will escort 1st time illegal human trafficking back out of Western waters and shoot to kill repeat offenders. Illegal migration would plummet after the first few hundred deaths.

    In this simple way, the West will save the world. Out of control 3rd world populations would experience total population explosion cataclysm with massive die-offs then level out under control and the West would give ’em a hand to help them stay that way, and the 3rd world would no longer feel invading north to be an option.

    Western indigenous populations would, after 2 or 3 generations, once again resemble their true nature, with a 85% white population on average across the board, but this time with a newly proud people who learned what it felt like to almost become killed off or outbred. No longer having the option of invading better countries, the 3rd world would be forced to fix their own problems at home. This would not be easy and will take some mass death but there will be no other way and the West as mentioned will help out in a consulting/advisory capacity to help restore order and implement better systems. Africa will be for Africans, Asia for Asians, the West for Whites, and Latin America will be for Latinos, everyone looking forward to a great future in their own homelands with plenty of friendly cultural exchange.

    When do I start?

      1. Anton Chigurh✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        I guess the the poll question could just be:
        Anton Chigurh For Emperor?

    1. Three Stars

      100% agree, now what *insane* thing would you do as a dictator?

      “85% white population on average across the board” That sounds too low, even for America. Most Western countries are already above that when it comes to whites.

      1. Anton Chigurh✓ᴺᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰᵃˡᶦˢᵗ

        The US right now is at 60-65% white. A certain amount of non-whites is going to be inevitable–it’s just how the world turned out. Orientals, for example, are not exactly “the problem” in crime and societal degradation, or, ahem, terror. It’s really about what “kind” of immigrant you have.

        Majority white Vermont, which everyone agrees is a “white place”, is at about 67%. So 85 would be a damn good number to have I reckon. Most of the US ideally would be like Maine (~94%) but I’d be OK with huge places like CA having larger groups of old-school, upstanding Orientals and Hispanics, leaving it 80% white. It would even out nicely overall.

  3. Dwrd Cfla

    I’d do an extreme culling of the amount of driver’s licenses issued. Ten percent of the current amount sounds about right.

  4. Nikolai Vladivostok

    I’m more of a liberator. I would make it legal to push slow walkers into traffic. Also those who stop and chat or gaze about themselves in slack-jawed wonder in places that are clearly not suitable for stopping. Ditto those who stop suddenly without regard for who may be walking behind them.

    Basically if I were dictator there would be just one rule: get the fuck out of my way. Just do that and I’ll leave you alone. I’d still have to brutalize millions before they got the message because these crimes seem to be the primary hobby of many.

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