Holy Fuck, the Dark Horse Won

I have always been rather emotionally constipated; my pleasures and griefs move at the speed of concrete through an old man’s bowels. My best friend died over two years ago, and it’s just lately that I’ve been fingering her belongings and mementos scattered about my house and crying. So it shouldn’t be quite as surprising to me as it is that I woke up in bed this morning and shouted:


Yeah, it only took five months. That’s actually a record for me.

But today I am increasingly overwhelmed and excited as my cerebral cortex finally wraps itself around the “news” and all that it implies. Because it says something wonderful.


Say what you want about our system, and its own constipation, and all the bullshit and mistakes from on high that will no doubt come down the pike in the next four years. I know I do; frequent readers will be scratching their heads right now, because normally I have trouble seeing the silver in the silver lining. (“The glass is… we’re all going to die.”)

But jesus h, people. The United States is a huge country. A huge country with a great deal of power. We have one president. The powers that be in the media, academia, perhaps even the deep state, hee hee hee (if I even know what that means I really am the world’s largest rodent) plotted and planned and guilt-tripped and lied and machinated and set booby traps and wrote toupee jokes and even came up with conspiracy theories about Russia that put Joe McCarthy to shame in their attempts to make us elect Hillary Clinton president…

And they fuckin’ FAILED.

We elected the guy they told us was literally Hitler. We looked at what the candidates were actually saying and actually doing and the most powerful demos on Earth went, “Yeah, fuck you, we don’t want the corporate candidate.”

Yes, it’s a bit silly to think of a billionaire as an underdog. No one is going to elect ME president anytime soon, although god knows you all would if you knew what was good for you. But amongst the people who had the cash and the notoriety to go for the presidency, we picked the one guy they screamed and screamed at us to stay away from.

I feel proud. Perhaps even hopeful. And I didn’t even start out by being that fond of him, although, as he begins to actually govern, he’s kinda growing on me; and the more the walking corpse corporate media scream about him, the more they make me suspect he must be doing something right that I don’t even know about. Hey, if that many well-placed ass-hats hate a guy…

Even if you hate him so bad that the way he pets a dog just makes you wanna punt him and the dog both across the room, you have to admit, this is pretty goddamn amazing. We did exactly what the powers that be told us not to do. Put aside the way you feel about his policies or his stupid face for a moment and think about it.

Ahhhhhhh, you will or you won’t.

A lot of people who’ve always fancied themselves rebels against the establishment are oddly incapable of drinking this idea in; then again, over the course of my lifetime I’ve watched as socialism went from a genuinely rebellious, risky, and dangerous stance to being the establishment. It went verrrrrrry sloooooowly, that’s the key: I barely noticed, and since it’s in the interest of their self-image, I doubt my socialist friends have noticed at all. They still think leftism is edgy. One of them was scoffing the other day at the idea that people on the right are discriminated against in publishing… never mind that almost nobody who’s pushed ahead by either the small or the large presses happens to be anything other than a leftist. What a coincidence, that all the talent should belong to those who believe government subsidies ought to go to the untalented! Particularly when the judgment of  talent is, by their own insistence, subjective, and when guessing what kind of literature will be a commercial smash is a crapshoot, even for the pros–who prudently turned down Harry Potter for years, for instance. How very generous of them. Let us check their tax returns for charitable giving. It is equally marvelous that the predominant ideology in education and journalism should also be the opinion of all the best litterateurs.

People who find themselves cheered on by their peer group will bec0me set in their ways, and damn the evidence. But there it is: We were supposed to vote for Captain Corporate America, and we voted for this ginger wack-job anyway, god bless us.

The mechanisms of our system allowed it.

The values of our civilization allowed it.

Three hundred fifty million people were told what to do by our betters, and a significant enough chunk of us told our betters to go fuck themselves.

Because Americans believe in meritocracy in theory as fiercely as we distrust that it exists in practice.

So goodbye, Captain Corporate Cunnilingus.

Holy fuck, we did this!


  1. Joseph Tully

    Look, just by winning he derailed three political “dynasties”: the Clintons, the Bushes, and the Obama government-in-exile. I just hope that my positive motivation for voting for the guy–economic growth–comes to pass. There’s no the bleeding the patient to get us out of $20 billion of debt and a budget deficit in the hundreds of billions. THE LEFT views growth, like pregnancy, as a malignant tumor, but….FUCK ‘EM, let the investments, purchases and….tax receipts roll in. Things sure look pretty chaotic in DC these days, but at least the issues are being argued out in the open–we won’t have an Obama to decree that the INTERNATIONALE will be our anthem, followed by the usual mix of platitude, snark and non sequitur justifying said decree. To be followed by deafening silence from GOPe. Long story short, Trump has slowed down our Long March down the Shining Path to a Playpen Gulag nation, but it’s up to us deplorables a/k/a citizens to make our opinions and (lawful) activities known to the Trump’s Merry Men as well as to the permanent government. Cheers, JoeLeFacteur.

  2. PapayaSF

    I just wanted Hillary to lose. Her platform of more government, more Obamacare (including for illegals), more Muslim refugees, more gun control was just insane. And I’d heard too many stories of her mistreating people. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

    And the hysteria of the left has been a sight to behold, and gives me endless pleasure.

  3. newyy1

    I’m just realizing it now too. Granted a week before the election I was involved in an accident(entirely my fault) and two days later my GF broke up with me. So after six months of rebuilding; I am now realizing that; a) The Chicago Cubs are World Champions and b) Donald J. Trump is President of the United States of America. With these two impossibilities existing in our world l, the impossibility of my having a GF still exists to this day. Which leads me to believe that the car accident was so bad that it knocked me into an alternate dimension where I suffered for 72 hours last year with statistically impossible events. Alternate to you, me, and Einstein but reality to everyone else.

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