“Oh No! Who Knew Our Censorship Would Bite Us in the Ass!?”

Ah, dumb radical leftists. They are the comedy gift that never quits giving. This is why I subscribe to Alternet and Everyday Feminism’s email lists. The lack of self-awareness makes me feel better about my dumb self every time another gem lands in my inbox. AT LEAST I’M NOT YOU!

What brand of sand do they have in their manginas now? Oh, my. After years of trying to play revolutionary censor, they’re the ones getting duct tape slapped over their mouths. If it weren’t already firmly affixed to mine I would be howling with mirth.

After being warned by everyone conceivable—Sargon of Akkad, Atheism is Unstoppable, Sam Harris, me, you, your dog, your dog’s fleas—that their attempts to strip everyone they don’t like of their ability to be heard on the Internet would come back and bite them in the ass, they still merrily went along their dumbshit way, fighting to tear to bits every metaphorical vocal cord their greasy little paws could grab.

And today, oh, day of days, I get this gem in my inbox:


As resolution there is low, I will helpfully provide the full text of their alter-whinging below. But first, here’s the translation:

“We were so stoked that our whining to the powers that be in favor of censorship worked! We got YouTube and Facebook and Google to get people we don’t like defunded, silenced, deprived of their livelihood, and effectively stripped of their First Amendment rights! It was so awesome that we forgot the first rule of state power: Anything you enable the state to do to your enemies, it is going to turn right around and do to you.”

I don’t believe in anything woo like karma, but this is damn close.

It doesn’t matter how right you think you are. Someone else is going to think you are wrong. And if you kick off a witchhunt, sooner or later the witch is going to be you.

However, I would be laughing a lot harder if it weren’t for the chill in the entire room; lest I commit the same error and laugh too hard at them, allow me to check my (chuckle) excessive mirth at the (giggle) … ASSHOLES!

Now we’re all fucked. Are you happy? Was the self-righteousness buzz worth it?

On a slightly different note, look at that fucker’s smug face.(Yes, dipshit, censorship makes people “more and more susceptible to manipulation. It’s why you have a paycheck.) Oh, and note that donations to these twats are tax deducted. (Note: So are donations to me. I think. I’ll give you a receipt or something.)

If you can’t read the image above, here’s the full text in all its messed-up, cuntish glory.

Dear AlterNet Reader:

By now you may have heard about how Google launched a new algorithm designed to combat fake news. All of us in independent media thought that was a great idea. We have been fighting the fake news of white supremacists and the alt-right for years.

Then came the shocker: Google targeted AlterNet as “fake news,” as well as dozens of other progressive news sites. Almost overnight, we lost roughly 1.2 million of our readers.

After 20 years of publishing hundreds of articles a week, winning Webbie awards, and gaining audiences of more than 7 million unique visitors a month, we suddenly faced a clamp on search traffic, thanks to Google.

This is a huge deal. A giant conglomerate with no journalists, nor editors, nor real understanding of journalism is deciding what you should read, watch and hear. This is not the democracy for which we all strive.

We need to stay strong, keep our great staff, and fight Google and Donald Trump in the war on fake news.

We are fighting back, but we need your help. The Google algorithm will hurt our bottom line as we lose advertising revenue and access to donor prospects. And we want to get back those readers we lost.

If not stopped, Google (and let’s not forget about Facebook) will become a self-perpetuating, ever-tightening “information noose” around alternative information sources that will result in more and more people knowing less and less about what is happening to them, and more susceptible to manipulation.

Can you commit to supporting AlterNet and its mission of producing powerful independent journalism as well as working with other progressive media in this battle against Google?




Don Hazen
Executive Editor, AlterNet



P.S.: Your contribution today is 100% tax-deductible.


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