The Hurt Locker

OK, so it took me way too long to see this great film, and of course my first reaction is smart-assed. I was watching the scene where Lieutenant Sanborn and the crazy new commander are shit-faced drunk and punching each other in the stomach for fun, and I thought, “Wow, I take it back — …

Wrongful Birthday Suit

I hate being soberI hate being drunkI hate being captainI hate being a punkI hate going to bedand I hate getting up I hate the coldand I hate the bright sunI hate getting started,I hate being done; I hate being alivebut I’m sure death is worseAll human existence is simply a curse.I hate being certain,I …

Koko the Natural Woman

I was going to write a post about how much cuter my adult cat is than any human baby I’ve ever seen (and just think what she must have been like as a kitten). But I know what kind of ass-hat assumption that leads to: “This so-called ‘childfree’ bitch is secretly seething with envy because …

On a kinder, gentler note…

… it’s funny that, while I find Evelyn’s Waugh’s religious views to be borderline delusional, I find his novels much more pleasurable to read than those of writers with whom I come closer to agreeing intellectually. Sort of akin to the way I’d much rather look at a nice Caravaggio biblical scene than, say, a …

Doing me taxes…

… and wondering why it is that people without babies always have to pay more taxes, but people without them are the ones who get all the benefits. I mean, you don’t subsidize my novels. Why should we?, you huff. I’m clever enough, and could have gone into a more lucrative field, like, say, dull …

Told you so

Hey, can I call ’em? The Boers and Bernstein show on Chicago talk radio just turned ten; it’s the longest-running sports radio show in town. I wrote about them for the Reader, what — nine years ago? Check the archive. But just so you know, I know what’s goddamn funny, goddamn it, even if I’m …